THIS WEEK’S COMIC:
Spider-Geddon #3
By: Christos Gage, Dan Slott, Carlo Barberi, Todd Nauck
Synopsis: A multiversal threat brings a bunch of Spider-Mans together, which was once considered a novel concept before every Spider-Man thing became about that.
Welcome to The Untitled Comic Book Newsletter! Every week I write about a random-ish comic book. I try to avoid timely themes, but a new Spider-Man movie comes out this week and I thought it would be fun to talk about the most beloved Spider-Man variant in the whole Spider-Verse.
Does Whatever A Spider-Man Can
Multiversal Spider-Man stories are all the rage these days, to the point where the average person’s favorite Spider-Man isn’t actually the regular Spider-Man. Maybe you like Miles Morales, formerly the Ultimate Spider-Man and now just also Spider-Man. Maybe you like Gwen Stacy, a.k.a. Spider-Woman, a.k.a. Ghost Spider. Maybe you like the pig, or Silk, or the noir Spider-Man, or Superior Spider-Man, or Spider-Man 2099, or Spider-Punk, or Ben Reilly, or Kaine Parker, or Peni Parker (who, yes, was co-created by Gerard Way from MCR), or the Spider-Man from the Japanese TV show, or… nah, that’s enough.
Real Web-Heads know, however, that the best alternate universe Spider-Man is Earth-11580’s Spiders-Man, a.k.a. “Peter Parker” (yes, in quotes). Unlike a regular Spider-Man, who gets their powers from a radioactive spider bite, Spiders-Man got their powers when a bunch of radioactive spiders bit and then ate a Peter Parker. They then absorbed his consciousness, developed a hive-mind, and became the vaguely heroic Spiders-Man! A bunch of spiders that take the shape of a man! And crave the taste of human flesh! And the spiders think of themselves as “Peter Parker.”
It’s fun! And horrifying! Spiders-Man should’ve been in those wacky cartoon movies made by the terribly overworked and exploited animators, and if they were, they should’ve been in them more. (I don’t remember if Spiders-Man was in those movies or not, and I won’t look it up.) Having someone so monstrous around would’ve at least suited the bizarre politics of the second movie, which indicated that nearly all Spider-Mans in existence are okay with the idea that you’re not allowed to be Spider-Man unless you suffer the exact same tragedies as the original Spider-Man, which (as I’ve noted before) is the same argument used by people who oppose student loan forgiveness. (Not exactly a stance I would naturally associate with Spider-Man.)
Or, speaking of movies, perhaps the big mystery of who Sadie Sink is playing in Spider-Man: Brand New Day has been swarming around us this whole time? Maybe she’s playing Spiders-Man? Nobody would see that coming, unlike her playing Jean Grey, which seems pretty obvious.
NEXT WEEK:
Another surprise, a.k.a. I haven’t decided yet.
Ask me about my awesome Spider-Verse OC: Spider-Man-Man. He has all the powers of Spider-Man, including sticking to walls, the proportionate strength of a Spider-Man, the ability to invent wrist-mounted webshooters, a Spider-Man Sense that allows him to detect when Spider-Man would sense danger, and the power to sacrifice his marriage to save his elderly aunt for some reason. His costume has Spider-Man on it.
Spider-Man-Man, Spider-Man-Man,
does whatever Spider-Man can.